Bad News
by NUMA-WAFFLE
Summary: Deidara is sick, everyone is calling him pregnant, but what happens when a little joke turns out to be much worse...TOBI TO THE RESCUE, this is meant to be a funny story.
1. Chapter 1

First I just want to say.. I KNOW THAT DEIDARA IS A MAN... but this is just a funny joke I'm doing, please go with it and review.

Thanks to all who reviewed and/or put in thier favorites the first time ( Admin took it down because of Spelling, I have changed it, but if you see any mistakes please tell me in a review, thanks)

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Bad news Chapter 1, The Joke 

Deidara had been sick for 3 weeks now, every morning… he was very worried, when he asked Kakuzu if the stitches could have gotten infected he said that it is not possible and wanted to know why he had asked.

"Well for 3 weeks I have been feeling sick every morning, and I was just thinking that it could have been the stitches."

"3 weeks you say… well in my very long life I have seen this many times before…"

"Well what is it am I going to die?"

Kakuzu gave a grin that could be seen even through his masks, the same type of grin that Tobi would give if he could hear Deidara say "Tobi you're my best friend and I want to give you a hug."

"Deidara congratulations you're pregnant!"

"What, are you smoking Zetsu again, I can't be pregnant I'm on the P- Population side that is male, I'm a man, how could I be pregnant?"

"What you're a man, Hidan wins the bet, lets go and ask Zetsu."

Just then Zetsu warped out of the wall, in the same way a ghost would, or how most think the leader could. The floral humanoid with his dual coloured face; both of which had the same evil smirk, which was normal for his evil side, but what terrified the rooms other occupants was the fact that his good counter-part had the exact same evil, twisted grin: a grin that would make even the super evil Madara cry.

"Congratulations you're a mother, okay, I have told everyone and the Leader said that we can have a party. Tobi was very exited; he even got you a new Akatsuki cloak, one with a bigger abdomen section."

"But how can I be pregnant I'm a man!"

"Well let's have a look at you, are your feet swollen, does you're back hurt, have you gained any weight?"

"I hate you!"

Itachi bursts in through the wall and yells "BUT NOT ENOUGH FOOLISH LITTLE BROTH- oh sorry reflex, congratulations on mother-hood."

"I'm a man, as in I CAN'T BE A MOTHER, OR GET PREGNANT!!!!"

After a few hours of tests Zetsu has some results.

"Deidara you may want to sit down, standing too long is bad for the mother and you might damage the baby in the fall after I tell you the results."

"I'M NOT PREGNANT AND I AM A MALE SO I CAN'T BE A MOTHER!!!!"

"Yes the results indicate that you are without a doubt male, and you're not pregnant."

Kakuzu;" So Tobi wasted my money on Akatsuki baby clothes for nothing!"

"Well whats the verdict?" asked a very bored Hidan.

"Deidara come with me into the next room I need to tell you this in private…

You know that we are all joking about the pregnancy?"

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What will happen to Deidara, will he live, will Deidara ever forgive them, find out in the next chapter called What!

Please review, and if you find ANY errors please tell me in a review so that I can change them... thanks


	2. Chapter 2 What

The admin said that there was a problem, so I reedited it, if there is any more** PLEASE** tell me in a review so that I can change it thanks.

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Bad News Chapter 2 What! 

"WHAT? How could this happen, are you 100 percent sure? I mean this is bad, do another test."

"I've done it twice, and I am as shocked as you are, but it is true! I have not seen anything like this for hundreds of years, this could be fatal if not taken care of soon."

"How can I tell the others?…What if they find out?"

"Well no need to worry, I forgot to turn off the intercom, hehe, sorry."

For the next week everyone was avoiding Deidara, when he walked into a room everyone else left. Even the Mighty Leader would leave; he even went into sunlight to avoid Deidara, nearly destroying his shadowy appearance.

After the second week Deidara woke to find Tobi in his room, he was quiet, sad and still, not normal for the hyperactive idiot he normally was.

In a very groggy tone Deidara asked; Tobi what are you doing in my room, aren't you afraid?

"No Sempai you're my friend I wanted to see if you're all right."

In that moment Deidara thought that;

"A) Tobi has a brain

B) That's the kindest thing anyone has said to him

C) Tobi has no idea what's wrong with him."

He went for the latter: "Do you know what's wrong with me?"

And in the most innocent and child-like way he answered: "Nope."

"Well get out of here I have a rare illness that can be fatal, it's called-" Cough, cough, vomit

And at that moment he fainted.

"Zetsu-san Deidara-Sempai's dead." (INSERT CRYING NOISE HERE.)

"No Tobi he just-"

"WAAAAAAAA, sob, sob, cry, cry, sob, boo woo..."

"NO TOBI SHUT UP HE-"

Tobi keeps crying for the rest of the day.

"No he's not dead!"

"Who's not dead... AAAAAAA! What happened to Deidara-Sempai?"

"He just fainted, he still has a few days left."

"A few days." (Starts to cry again.( Poor Tobi))

"There might be a way to save him."

Then with the most inspired look, (one that even Guy and Lee could not beat) "Tobi's a good boy, Tobi will help, Tobi will make Deidara-Sempai better, what must Tobi do?"

After many hours of research, Zetsu finds a cure.

"The Ichiraku Ramen Bar is the only place where you can find this herb, go to Konohagakure, and save Deidara from his ailment."

"Tobi's going on a trip, YAY."

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"What where am I?" 

"It's all right, you just fainted, you still have a few days to live, and I'm sorry, in your current state you are not allowed to leave your bed. And I have more Bad News, your results showed one more thing…"

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"WHAT? How can this be? Wait why are you not out looking for the cure?" 

"Tobi's out looking for it."

"WHAT?"

"Don't worry Tobi's a good boy."

"HOW IS THAT IN ANYWAY USEFUL?"

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This Chapter is meant to be strange, please review, the next chapter is the last... I need to work on my other stories. 

If you find any mistakes **PLEASE** tell me in a review, thanks.

P.S I will take the story down after chapter 3, so that I can put the fully 100 correct version on, I thing that this one still has some errors.


	3. Chapter 3

The last chapter in what has been my favorite story so far, I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. (Insert subliminal message here : you will like the story.)

WARNING this story contains grafic mental images of a ridicules nature; things only I could think of, if you like your sanity read it, it you don't like being sane, read it twice.

P.S No perversion in this story, just insanity and RANDOMNESS.(RANDOMNESS it a Trade mark of NUMA-WAFFLE.)

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Bad News Chapter 3 You're Joking Right 

"Deidara I have good and bad news, which do you what to hear first?"

"Good news."

"Tobi is at the Ramen Bar."

"And the bad…"

"Tobi found the 9 tails Junchuriki, and challenged him to ramen eating contest, and that was five days ago."

"You're joking right, my life is coming to an end, and Tobi, the only person who wants to save me is stuffing his face!"

Meanwhile with Tobi.

"More please", said the two contestants, both wanting to win. Because of the speed in which they ate Teuchi was so busy trying to supply food to them that he forgot to ask who was paying, when he finally thought about this and asked, Naruto proceeded to run for his life, using his Kyubi powers to run even faster.

Tobi on the other hand, mustered all of his (EVIL AKATSUKI POWERS) and in the most menacing voice said "I will not be paying. Can I also have some of your herbs, my best and only friend is dying, and he has the deadly –.

What is Naruto thinking right now?

"I got to eat for five days straight and got someone else to pay, Jiraiya has taught me something useful after all."

Back with Tobi.

"So can I please have the herbs?"

"OK and I will make Naruto pay for them and for all the food, please hurry back, your friend must live, the main reason I started a ramen bar was to stop people dying from that ailment."

"Thank you, when the Akatsuki enslave the world, you will be spared for the kindness."

"The Akatsuki, you're joking right, you a member, but your too kind, go and save your friend."

Tobi runs off to save deidara.

Later at the AKATSUKI UBER BASE, Tobi gets some very bad news.

"Tobi, you were too late, I'm sorry."

"You're joking right? Deidara-sempai can't be gone."

"Gone? No, the sickness he had, just alters his memory, he now thinks that he is a pink rice bowl, with a very decorative floral Mediterranean motif, and is filled with bellybutton lint, that has a strong lemon fragrance with just a hint of vanilla. But in reality he was turned into Peggy the talking stork."

"Can he still blow things up with clay?"  
"No, he is now the Akatsuki pet."

"Can I keep him in my room?"

"Only if you promise to look after him and give him all the stuff that storks need."

"I Promise, come here boy, come here."(Insert a whistle noise that you give dogs when you say that.)

"You might as well give him the herbs, he looks hungry."

After an hour of mixing all the herbs together and coating fish with them, they feed Peggy.

Then a mystical bright light shone, as Peggy changed into the pink rice bowl, with a very decorative floral Mediterranean motif, and was filled with bellybutton lint, that had a strong lemon fragrance with just a hint of vanilla.

"That was unexpected."

"Let's feed the lint to Itachi, his eyes are bad enough, just say its candy-floss."

And then the pink bowl changed into Deidara, who was not covered in the fragrant bellybutton lint.

"Deidara-sempai your back! I'm so happy."

"Now we can't trick Itachi. Anyway deidara, Itachi's little brother is in the area, go and kill him."

"Anything is better than having Pseudo-Riceticular-Bowlous. How strong is Sasuke?"

"Itachi says that he lacks the hate needed to be strong, so he can't be much trouble."

"Ok I guess I'll be back in an hour, and Tobi thanks for saving me, and I guess I'm-

Get off me, stop hugging me, go away, I hate you."

And that was the last thing Deidara said to any Akatsuki member. (Except Tobi.)

In memory of the Exploding Akatsuki Artist.

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After all of that, if you are still sane review it please. 


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